11:21 PM

Melihat kepada graph beta HCG (yang sepatutnya semakin menurun), it tell me that something is not right somewhere. The fact is, i still feel sick - i can fell my breast becoming swollen, nausea every morning when brushing my teeth, and frequently going to the toilet to urinate (just like a pregnancy symptoms).

When my graph hit a plateau, Dr Fatimah told me that the dark cloud was still there - has not been removed and at any time will burst to rain and make a big flood.

I was actually prepared for any bad outcome. I have read and read and read, mostly everything about molar pregnancy - the fact of chemo treatment higher for those happen to have complete molar pregnancy = like 7 out of 20 patients.

I was prepared. I am prepare!

But still I cried and cried and cried for some reason that I'm not prepared..

Me: Kalau chemo biasa nye berapa lama?
Dr: There would be 10 courses but stil depends on your Beta-hcg levels. If it drops tremendously than its a good sign but if it drop very slow, you may take longer course.
Me: Will I be admitted?
Dr: During the course, yes.. Like a month.. But sometimes, you'll have on and off, meaning you'll be admitted then later you can go home, then coming back for treatment in the hospital and so..
Me: Does chemo hurt?
Dr: Macam biasa, you'll have hair falling, bruise, sore mouth. But its all temporary.
Me: Can i breastfed my DD?
Dr: Oh, yang tu tak bole. You kena stop immediately..

Me: *start to cry harder and harder*

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Me: Sapa sayang Zahra?
Zahra: Ommi..

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